Posts Tagged ‘Insight’

I’ve grown a vegetable garden every summer for most of my life but it is only recently that I have fully appreciated the true bounty it has provided me. And, the bounty I refer to is in addition to the food I grow.

Like most people in my personal sphere, I live my life at a fairly rapid pace, have a healthy social life, connected in far too many ways and am almost constantly thinking about the next strategic move in one of my four simultaneous careers. Yet, when I am weeding my garden, I am totally living in the present and, because I am living in the moment, my stress level drops, my worries disappear and my subconscious creative problem-solving mechanism kicks into high gear.

As I tug and pull, I realize that every weed I have eliminated was, in some way, stealing the nutrients needed to nourish my tomatoes, peppers, squash, cauliflower, broccoli, beans and herbs. And, as I’m weeding and watering my living 20’ X 12’ green wonder, I absolutely know that I am also nurturing myself.

Walking back from the garden to my house today, a thought flitted across my consciousness. I know I take very good care of my garden but wondered, “Am I taking the time to identify and pull all the metaphorical weeds that may be draining my own nourishment?” So, I ask myself, “Am I spending enough time with and nurturing those relationships that stimulate my curiosity and feed my spirit or have I fallen into the trap of ‘guilt’ and continue to hang on to people who sap my energy. If so, do I have the courage to weed out those individuals? ”

Does what I read stimulate my thinking or dull my creativity? Does what I watch on TV and at the movies enhance my creativity or fill me with unrecognized negativity and numb my mind? Does the food I put in my body nourish me like the rich soil in my garden enriches my vegetable plants? Or, does what I take into my body tax my system and deplete my physical energy?

I’ve arrived at some conclusions – and that makes all the work I put into having a beautiful garden worthwhile in more ways than one. Whether you have a garden or not, I think it’s good food for thought.

Everyone tells me that I have a unique relationship with my younger brother, my only sibling. I do.
Over twenty years ago we made a commitment to each other. We agreed that no matter what life throws our way that we would go camping every year for at least 4 days. Although we live a thousand miles away, every year he flies to Connecticut and off we go, driving up to Massachusetts where we erect my pop-up camper on a site that overlooks a beautiful lake.
It’s an incredibly special time to bond. For a brief period we recapture our childhood, sharing family memories, watching low-budget thrillers on a computer, fish, cook, read and, in general – just hang out. This year it poured rain all but one day. For many people that may have upset their plans. But, for us to be in the great outdoors and be together was a gift. We just enjoyed hunkering down and even relished in what others might think as an inconvenient weather intervention.
My brother is extremely centered, calm and patient which tempers my rapid firing neurons and gives me a sense of peace. He has a great sense of humor and his amazing creativity helps me see possibilities that otherwise would remain invisible and gain new and different perspectives. This year I was able to run several concepts for my new book through his unique perception. That not only opened up new ideas but helped me cement others in place. Dave also has a unique ability to question without threatening. He is able to make me look deep within and challenge myself.
One of our recurring conversations is how grateful we are for our relationship and how we wish other siblings could heal theirs. Inevitably we talk about the need to forgive and also wish that others could discover the value of becoming a forgiving person. I do feel renewed.

I was recently recounting the seminal experiences I’ve had that, literally, changed the course of my life. One took place in 1976 when I participated in the first fire-walking workshop ever given in the United States. This out-of-the-box happening was presented by a somewhat eccentric and very spiritual young man I had met while working on the S. S. Rotterdam’s 1973 eighty-nine day cruise around the world – Bruce Burkan. .
Three years after the cruise, Bruce called and informed me that he had created a “fire-walking experience” that was quite popular in Sweden. With this pilot project, he hoped to do the same in the United States. In spite of my reluctance, I said “yes” and on the scheduled day, I drove from my secure apartment in New Jersey to a retreat center in New York State. I had no idea what to expect. All I knew for sure was that the workshop would be four hours in duration and that, eventually, we would walk barefoot across a bed of hot coals.
As I arrived at the center, I was directed to a small cabin in the words where I joined a group of approximately 40 nervous attendees comprised of individuals from the military and business. It was an odd combination but not nearly odd as when Bruce entered the room dressed in a turban and caftan. He was playing quite a role.
Using the pending fire walk as a metaphor, we were led through a two-hour seminar on the power of the mind. Taking a break, we were asked to participate in the building of our nemesis – the fire. Back in the cabin, there was another hour of lecture and, suddenly, Bruce requested we remove our shoes and socks. The time had come. As we formed a circle the fire, held hands and chanted, Bruce Brukan told us that we could walk when “the spirit moved us.” He then abruptly hoisted caftan above his knees and – off he went – in bare feet – sparks flying – across the 12-foot bed of coals. I was dumbfounded and very seriously regretted having accepted the invitation.
We chanted. I waited for someone else to walk. No one took the leap. Every fiber of my instinctive, primitive brain told me to freeze, stay in place and be safe. Yet, another part of me knew I had to do this. So I did. And, the only way I was able to accomplish this seemingly impossible and foolish feat was to see, to visualize myself on the other side.
That is the lesson I took away and that is how each and every one of us can overcome our own fear. Vividly see, live, breathe and feel yourself already successful at whatever goal you choose – and the odds are very much in your favor that you too will accomplish the seemingly impossible.

On rare occasions I am fortunate enough to read an article that stimulates my thinking to such an extent that it gives rise to a creative idea that, in turn, morphs into something quite wonderful. That’s what happened with an article in the Harvard Business Review written by Roger Martin, the Dean of the Rotman School of Management at the University of Toronto. The title of the article was “Management by Imagination.”

His premise is simple. Management has the penchant for managing by metrics and measurement because there is the misguided feeling that when something is measured, you have the illusion of controlling it. The downside is that when you attempt to create something different in the future by measuring the past, you become a prisoner of your own thinking and create a future that is remarkably similar to the past. “For the measurement types,” Martin writes, “the world is a brutal place, full of nasty surprises that are impossible to predict. And, a world with only metric and measurement is exhausting, boring and a death to creative thinking.

For the imagination types – the abduction logicians – the world is expansive and the possibilities are endless. Think Walt Disney or the creator of the Blackberry, Mike Lazaridis, founder of Research in Motion.

The challenge is that management and leadership are still in the throws of measurement. There is a simple reason for this. The past two years of fear and uncertainty have had a severe impact on optimism. We are suffering from what I can only describe as an “organizational hangover” which blurs the lens of our perception.

We need to employ the imagination and shift our thinking from fear towards one of opportunity, optimism and growth or even a balanced mindset that will allow leadership and management to judge and decide upon opportunities fairly, rationally, clearly and wisely.

Mindsets are powerful things and influence all our decisions. Never have the stakes been higher to insure that managers and senior executives are seeing their options and opportunities as well as the risk and potential through clear glasses. We need to have an organizational “reboot” and to me, learning about the power of imagination and how to direct the imagination to creating a future of possibility is mandatory. As the humorist Mark Twin said, “You can’t depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus.”

Saturday night, I performed my one-man hypnosis show, “Journey into the Imagination” for the first time in many months at the Hotchkiss School in Lakeville, CT. Despite the long drive, a stressful buildup to the event and a rolling electricity blackout that did just that at the beginning of the performance, it was an extraordinary experience – for me.

I created this show out of a deep desire to combine the thrill of live theater with what I can only term “disguised education” of the power of the mind. The result was “a thinking person’s” hypnosis show. My intention was that the two-hour experience would both educate and entertain without dong anything ‘off color’ or embarrassing anyone. It is an edgy presentation which is scripted around a space journey and includes a demonstration of age regression with three people at once. Since 1974, I have presented the “Journey,” in one of its many incarnations, well over 1,000 times at colleges, universities, performing arts centers and a magical appearance on Broadway.

Due to the success of the show, my career took an interesting turn. From performing, I took the leap into presenting public seminars on the power of the mind – teaching relaxation and visualization. Those workshops morphed into The Quantum Leap Thinking Organization in 1982. Once again, I changed direction and, since 1975, have presented programs around the world to the business community. The subjects have been and are creativity, managing change, risk taking, break-through thinking and learning to apply the imagination.

This brings me back to why this was such a life enhancing evening for me. Seated in the audience were over 400 bright-eyed, eager and seriously energetic 12-18 year old students, plus a sprinkling of teachers and administration. These young people were totally open and trusting to a phenomenon which often. mysteriously, scares adults. I got so excited, I stopped the show twice – with some 30 people hypnotized – to answer questions. These students blew me away with their curiosity and intelligence. Every question challenged me to reach down in myself and answer in a way that would both satisfy and motivate. My deepest desire has always been that the audience walks away from the experience wanting to learn more about their own ability to break through fear and create an exceptional future for themselves.

That is what happened last Saturday night. Lives were changed. I was – and still am – on a wonderful high. It was a gift to me. So the lesson message is simple. In our own way, all of us can create or find an opportunity to change young people’s lives. In the world we live in today, we need to make our own contribution in both influencing and shaping young minds.

Letting go is a very big deal for most people and it is also one of the major skills to living an exceptional life. Letting go may mean cleaning out your closet, changing careers or releasing unrealistic dreams. But, perhaps one of the most difficult decisions you can make is to let go of another person.
We learn from others. We connect. We form partnerships. And then, sometimes, we out grow these relationships. We change, or others change. We stop learning, drift apart, or, perhaps, we are betrayed. Whatever the reason, a time might come when need to let go of someone.
The challenge is that letting go of another person is not always easy. That person’s presence may have become so familiar that you unconsciously fear a void in your life. So, because of the fear of letting go, you continue to allow another’s negativity to permeate your life even though the negative energy pulls you down and chips away at your joy. Or, maybe you just feel sorry for the other person or feel guilty about letting another person go.
The truth is: most people don’t even want to acknowledge this kind of negative situation and, if they do, the thought of telling the truth to someone is horrifying. So, they choose to have this energy-drainer remain in their lives.
I had a business relationship that caused me angst and discomfort for months. I didn’t want to dissolve this relationship because I wanted to avoid hurting his feelings. I justified his continuous fear-based choices. I turned a blind eye to dishonest behavior and deluded myself by believing that he would change, get past his fear and grow – until I couldn’t.
So, I had to make the choice: shut off, clean the slate and let go. I feel so very much lighter, as if a burden I didn’t even know I was carrying has disappeared.
It’s spring so you might want to take a moment and examine the relationships in your life and ponder the words of the advice columnist, Ann Landers, who wrote, “Hanging on to resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”

Yesterday my fifteen year old grandson asked my wife and I for help on a school project. He is assigned to write stories as to his family history. I thought you might enjoy my response to him.

Dear Scott,

Here are two short ideas which I can help you elaborate on if you want.

My grandfather, Grandpa Samuel James, was a very special man and most important in my life because he had the greatest influence on me. He taught me about hunting, fishing, being an honest and good person, pursuing a higher education and to think big. This was exceptional considering Grandpa James never finished high school but instead had to work as a farmer to help support his mom, dad and siblings. He married at a very young age and had to raise two daughters (my mom and my aunt). They were the first members of my family to be educated – both my mother and aunt becoming registered nurses.

He spent the majority of his life working for the Rock Island Railroad in Illinois. He worked his way up the ladder until he had the top job – he drove a steam engine – the big “iron horse” as it is called in the history books. Some of my fondest memories are just riding up front with him as he coupled and uncoupled cars, moving cargo of cement and paper from one location to another. It was hard work that required total concentration but, for me, it was magical. So magical in fact, that I started to dream about becoming an engineer myself and feeling the power and control of driving this massive piece of steaming and noisy metal. The day I expressed that to my grandfather he said, “Oh no Jim. You don’t want to do this. I want something much better for you. You need to get educated and everything will come your way.”

Love you,

Grandpa

It’s far too long since I’ve blogged but the reason will soon become apparent. On August 24th I returned from Scotland after ten glorious days shooting a film. I played a character of my dreams for the sequel to Robin Hardy’s 1973 film, “The Wicker Man” appropriately titled “The Wicker Tree.”

Three days after returning from an absolute high, I suddenly, for no apparent reason, had a foreboding sense of doom descend upon me. In addition, I noticed a slight pulsating in my left eye. I reluctantly called my cardiologist who, listening to my symptoms, decided I should wear a twenty-four hour heart monitor and two days later get an echocardiogram – both of which I did. The echocardiogram was done at 10:00 AM; my cell phone rang 6:00 PM. “You know I’m not an alarmist”, the doctor stated “but you have what killed John Ritter and Lucille Ball. “What’s that?” I squeaked. “You have an Aortic Aneurysm and it’s very, very serious. You need to see a surgeon this week.” Less than two weeks later I went into surgery spending four days in the ICU followed by six more days in the hospital.

So, what is this blog really about? It’s about the decision I made before I went under the knife. I decided that I would not only use this experience for learning, I would translate the experience into lessons. Within less than four days, I was, in my drugged haze, interviewing the nurses and the surgeon.

So here is the short version. Everything is attitude. It determines the quality of your success in every area of your life and it is a choice. The three senior nurses told me that in their combined experience of seventy-three years, they are convinced that people who have a positive attitude and respect the nurses and doctors taking care of them, heal faster.
Other lessons that I learned is to surround yourself only with positive, loving people, to look fear in the face and decided to survive. Listen and take the advice of those who know more than you do about your health, see yourself coming out of the surgery successfully, relax and lastly, visualize something in the future that you passionately want to do and hold that vision both before and after your surgery.

These lessons can be applied to every aspect of your life. If you would like to read a more in depth story about the lessons learned that can be applied to your life, go to my web site and sign up for my monthly “Strategies for Living an Exceptional Life” at www.jamesmapes.com

What is the purpose of having a friend? The truth is that maintaining a real friendship takes both time and commitment – both precious commodities. This is a question I’ve been pondering lately, this process triggered by having houseguests for five days. The visiting couple are, indeed, dear friends. Nevertheless, I had great trepidation about their staying for that length of time because, as the old saying goes, “Guests, like fish, stink after three days.” Furthermore, I am a creature who demands flexibility and freedom in my life and the thought of someone staying with us conjured up images of being trapped taking care of people, restricted from doing my daily workout in the gym or writing or – just spending some time alone thinking.

I don’t like to admit I was amazing wrong in my preconceived judgment. In fact, my concern was totally misplaced because – Sally Ann and Douglas are intelligent, funny, generous, self-sufficient and low maintenance. In other words, they are the ideal house people as well as solid friends. But more than that, their presence provided insight as to why having friends is important.

The first day of their stay was a bright and sunny so I decided to invite Douglas to join me in a walk on the beach. He has a fascinating history as a writer, actor and literary agent. He is also one of the most positive people I know, as is his wife. As we walked, I asked numerous questions about his past exploits and beliefs. I gently grilled him as to how he was ding in his present circumstance of living in Florida and how he saw his future unfolding.. Despite his reserved British demeanor, he was amazingly open and forthcoming. After about thirty minutes into our walk and much talk, he turned to me and stated in his impressive English accent, “You know, one of the most wonderful things about having a good friend that you trust enough to speak truthfully is that you get to hear yourself speak in a new way. And, by doing so, you discover things about yourself that you never would have discovered.” “Wow”, I thought, “This friendship thing could really save people a lot of money on long-term therapy.” And, when I really consider it, that is reason enough to nurture friendships.

Then I began to realize – that was exactly what I was doing when he listened to me – hearing myself in a new light and having insights I never had before, all because he gave me his undivided attention and I knew – he was a friend and that friends really – listen.

Yesterday I was taking my usual hour walk near the beach before going to the gym. In between dodging young mothers who were pushing gigantic baby strollers I became acutely aware of dozens of people walking their dogs, many of them carrying on a conversation with their pet much like the mothers with their tiny tots. I felt a rush of nostalgia as I flashed back to the wonderful times I had with my loving, ever joyous pets. As I enjoyed the sea breeze, my mind turned to examining the importance of the connection that humans have to these wonderfully loving creatures. So, after wearing myself out lifting weights at the local health club, I went home to do my research on Google. There it was, all the proof I needed that caring for a pet has proven health effects. In fact, dozens of research projects show that interactions with animals on a consistent basis can actually reduce stress, lower blood pressure and even lower our cholesterol level. Mental issues caused by both stress and isolation can be eliminated. by caring for a pet. The list goes on and on. The human/animal connection is good for our health.

As a natural extension of that line of thinking I begin to wonder if the human/human connection has the same health benefits. Back to Google and guess what? The research on that subject was quite limited. Isn’t that interesting? The truth is, our connection to others in a loving, caring way is both beneficial and essential to good mental health. And yet, so many of us put that aside to live our busy lives, worry about the future and attempt to control what we can’t control.

It was then that I made a decision. I am going to spend more time with those people that I keep being too busy to see. I’m going to make some calls, have a few breakfasts and lunches with friends and maybe even take a walk on the beach with them.