Today I was wondering today if there is really such a thing as an unselfish act. While that may sound absurd, I want you to think about it.
Less than two weeks ago, my wife and I rented a hotel room in New York City so we could be with one of our dear friends during his wife’s Jo’s brain surgery. I had just flown in on a delayed flight from Phoenix after giving a talk; my wife had driven into Manhattan during a horrendous storm. We both went to sleep around midnight and, exhausted, appeared at 6:30 AM at the hospital where we remained until around 3:00 PM the following day. Thank God, the surgery went well. A week before the surgery, I had created a 20-minute audio tape involving relaxation and visualization to help lesson Jo’s anxiety and prepare her mentally for her ordeal. Making the recording and delivering it over to their home took both effort and time. After Jo got home from the hospital, Susan spent a number of hours cooking food to deliver to their home. Again, effort and time went in to the preparation.
Do you think I am relating this event because it’s self congratulating and that I’m telling you what great people we are? I don’t think so. I’m writing this to let you know what a gift it was – to us. The payoff was huge; we got to feel really good about ourselves because we know we made a difference. In addition, for a brief period of time we were able to focus on something other than ourselves and our troubles. That’s what giving of your time and energy does – for you.
Here’s something you may not know. When you do a really good deed, one specific area of your brain lights up the same way it does with sex. I’m not kidding. So, if you want to feel good about yourself, reach out and do a good deed for someone today. Then you can make the decision is there is really such a thing as an unselfish act. I suggest you – be selfish.

Yesterday my fifteen year old grandson asked my wife and I for help on a school project. He is assigned to write stories as to his family history. I thought you might enjoy my response to him.

Dear Scott,

Here are two short ideas which I can help you elaborate on if you want.

My grandfather, Grandpa Samuel James, was a very special man and most important in my life because he had the greatest influence on me. He taught me about hunting, fishing, being an honest and good person, pursuing a higher education and to think big. This was exceptional considering Grandpa James never finished high school but instead had to work as a farmer to help support his mom, dad and siblings. He married at a very young age and had to raise two daughters (my mom and my aunt). They were the first members of my family to be educated – both my mother and aunt becoming registered nurses.

He spent the majority of his life working for the Rock Island Railroad in Illinois. He worked his way up the ladder until he had the top job – he drove a steam engine – the big “iron horse” as it is called in the history books. Some of my fondest memories are just riding up front with him as he coupled and uncoupled cars, moving cargo of cement and paper from one location to another. It was hard work that required total concentration but, for me, it was magical. So magical in fact, that I started to dream about becoming an engineer myself and feeling the power and control of driving this massive piece of steaming and noisy metal. The day I expressed that to my grandfather he said, “Oh no Jim. You don’t want to do this. I want something much better for you. You need to get educated and everything will come your way.”

Love you,

Grandpa

“It is familiarity with life that makes time speed quickly.
When every day is a step intro the unknown, as for children
the days are long with the gathering of experience.”
-George Robert Gissing, English novelist

How many times have you either said or heard one of your contemporaries exclaim, “Time just moves too fast.” “Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday when she was a little girl?” “It doesn’t seem possible that this is our 30th wedding anniversary.” “Time flies when you are having fun.” “Time heals all wounds.” Or, my favorite: “Time wounds all heels.” And the songs: “Time in a Bottle” by Jim Croce, “Time” by Pink Floyd, Judy Collins’ “Who Knows Where the Time Goes” and “As Time Goes By” from “Casablanca.”
If you are over 30 years old, you probably perceive time fleeting by at the speed of light, or if you are very young, you most likely feel that time often moves at a snail’s pace.
I’ve been pondering the nature of time a lot lately because I have become very aware of how fast time seems to be speeding along. More precisely, I wonder if it is possible to make my precious moments last longer. One fact I’ve learned over the years is that how we experience time is ruled by our perceptions. So, the obvious question is: How can I shift my perception of time and somehow, like pulling a rubber band, stretch it out, enjoy my moments even more and, therefore, enhance my life experience?
Is this just wishful thinking, or is it time for an investigation of – time?
My brother Dave lives a much slower pace than I. He has suggested that perhaps, if I wanted to experience life at an equally slower pace, I should spend more of it at our fishing camp in the Northwoods of Wisconsin. I considered trying this as an experiment but, alas, it’s not in my DNA to live out my life tucked away in a small cabin in the middle of nowhere. In addition, my wife, without her hairdresser, would not be a happy camper. No, I don’t think that would work for either one of us.
I recall myself as a child, perceiving time moving at the pace of the proverbial snail. A few events come immediately to mind, like when I was pushed by my mother into doing something I really did not want to do, such as spending an ‘eternity’ riding in the backseat of our car as we ponderously drove 150 miles to our aunt’s house on a two-lane highway. Then there was that interminable, 600-mile drive to Wisconsin for our summer vacation or – worst of all – studying. Why was it always such a tedious wait for Christmas to roll around or for summer vacation to begin?
Even as an adult, I find that time flows by like molasses when I’m waiting expectantly for some future event to happen. But, when I’m completely absorbed in a creative project, time flies by very quickly. As a six year-old, it seemed forever until my next birthday but, as a mature adult, my 60th birthday was just yesterday, wasn’t it?
Of course, as a young boy there were moments when I felt time stretching and lasting longer in a good way. That was when I was having a new adventure, which, as a child, was most of the time. Wait! Perhaps there is a clue hidden here. After all, I’ve never heard a young person say, “Time just moves too fast.” We might also find another clue by examining how the mind collects memories.
Here is the Mapes’ theory of how and why we perceive time differently when we are young, as opposed to when we are older.
- As children, each new and delightful and not-so-delightful experience makes connections in our brain – a wiring of sorts. Children see things with new eyes because most of what they experience is, in fact, new and amazing. These often emotionally powerful first-time experiences form new memories and are stored away forever, structuring a unique filter through which the future is seen. These memories are then used for comparison and pattern recognition of future events. But, because the young brain is still processing, time is perceived as – slow.
Therefore, the way we perceive time is really a function of how we remember what happens – the events of life.
Now – a look at ‘mature’ people. As we age, our experiences become repetitive. We take fewer risks than when we were young. Older people have the tendency to do the same thing day after day, week in and week out: parents raising children, going to the same job, riding the same train ride, entering the same cubicle, playing the same sport, taking the same vacation, and visiting the same friends. Our patterns of thinking become familiar and safe. As we age, we unconsciously resist most significant change and we discard new pieces of information that don’t fit within our established comfort zone.
For the majority of individuals, it’s easier to be comfortable than rewire the brain and adjust to new information. This leads to very few new memories being formed and, as a result, we perceive time as passing rapidly. .

“Time changes everything except something
within us which is always surprised by change.”
-Thomas Hardy, English novelist and poet

I regret to say that, from my observation, most people are just too complacent to take the risks necessary to rewire their brains. That’s all right IF you are content to have your life perceptually pass you by at the speed of light. “Sameness” equals comfort and, when the brain goes on autopilot, time speeds up. “Newness” equals the slowing down and savoring what we experience.
So we all need to have new experiences – to be a little uncomfortable, to learn something new, to visit different places and, maybe, to do some form of meditation. Once you do that, you will see fresh possibilities and develop innovative ideas, which, in turn, will change your perception of – everything. How powerful and life-altering your experience is will determine how much of a “mind shift” you have. If the shift is big and bold, you will see every experience you have ever had, every memory you’ve ever stored – in a new light with a different mindset.
I believe you can learn to stretch time, live a more engaging life and have fewer problems. Yes, you will have to put in some work and challenge your resistance to change and get out of your comfort zone. That’s what you did as a child and that’s what you can choose to do as an adult.
Here are a few strategies to do just that:
1. Mentally rewind and review the day before you fall asleep. You will discover that there was a lot more to it than you thought.
2. Learn a simple meditation technique or just stop and be quiet for a few minutes. All you need is to have some reflection time, every now and then. That will, perceptually, slow down time.
3. Do something new. Create a “discovery” process. If you do new things, the day will seem much longer than if you are simply repeating past acts.
4. Take an afternoon off from your usual routine. Look at this time as a mini-vacation. Let the day unfold with no agenda or do something frivolous, fun, silly or just plain outrageous – like you did as a child, and you will experience time as a child.
5. Take a day trip to a new place. Visit a botanical garden, take a child to the zoo or hike a new and unfamiliar trail in the woods.
When you’re more fully engaged in life, you still may feel that there are not enough hours in the day, but the hours you experience will be far more fulfilling, creative and meaningful. Personally, I’m starting to suspect that your life can seem longer and feel more exceptional by learning and doing as much new stuff as possible, as often as possible.

It’s far too long since I’ve blogged but the reason will soon become apparent. On August 24th I returned from Scotland after ten glorious days shooting a film. I played a character of my dreams for the sequel to Robin Hardy’s 1973 film, “The Wicker Man” appropriately titled “The Wicker Tree.”

Three days after returning from an absolute high, I suddenly, for no apparent reason, had a foreboding sense of doom descend upon me. In addition, I noticed a slight pulsating in my left eye. I reluctantly called my cardiologist who, listening to my symptoms, decided I should wear a twenty-four hour heart monitor and two days later get an echocardiogram – both of which I did. The echocardiogram was done at 10:00 AM; my cell phone rang 6:00 PM. “You know I’m not an alarmist”, the doctor stated “but you have what killed John Ritter and Lucille Ball. “What’s that?” I squeaked. “You have an Aortic Aneurysm and it’s very, very serious. You need to see a surgeon this week.” Less than two weeks later I went into surgery spending four days in the ICU followed by six more days in the hospital.

So, what is this blog really about? It’s about the decision I made before I went under the knife. I decided that I would not only use this experience for learning, I would translate the experience into lessons. Within less than four days, I was, in my drugged haze, interviewing the nurses and the surgeon.

So here is the short version. Everything is attitude. It determines the quality of your success in every area of your life and it is a choice. The three senior nurses told me that in their combined experience of seventy-three years, they are convinced that people who have a positive attitude and respect the nurses and doctors taking care of them, heal faster.
Other lessons that I learned is to surround yourself only with positive, loving people, to look fear in the face and decided to survive. Listen and take the advice of those who know more than you do about your health, see yourself coming out of the surgery successfully, relax and lastly, visualize something in the future that you passionately want to do and hold that vision both before and after your surgery.

These lessons can be applied to every aspect of your life. If you would like to read a more in depth story about the lessons learned that can be applied to your life, go to my web site and sign up for my monthly “Strategies for Living an Exceptional Life” at www.jamesmapes.com

“If you are prepared,
You will be confident.”
-Tom Landry, American football player and coach

Life can turn on a dime and you had better be prepared for it. Preparation is how you deal with uncertainty, and that is something over which you do have control.
For those of you who did not read my previous article, I had written about one of my all-time, most fun, creative and totally engrossing events of my life: acting in a movie, “The Wicker Tree,” which was filmed this past July.
My wife, Susan, and I returned to the U.S. after ten marvelous days on the set, outside of Edinburgh, Scotland. She was covering the movie as a journalist while I was rehearsing and shooting. We were both on an incredible high.
Three days later, my cardiologist, Dr. Steven Kunkes, told me I had an aortic aneurism and referred me to Dr. John Elefteriades at Yale who determined that I needed open heart surgery to both replace the aortic valve as well as part of the aorta. I had exhibited no symptoms whatsoever, just a “feeling” that something was wrong. Needless to say, we went from a very high peak to a very low valley.
After absorbing the news and realizing what I faced, I made a decision. I was going to use this event as a learning experience and pass on my insights to others. That was my mindset, and on the third day of my ten-day hospital stay following surgery, lying in ICU, my mind began to crank away.
These are six insights which I would like to share with you. I firmly believe everyone can apply them to every aspect of their lives whether it is to nurture a relationship or run a business.
PAY ATTENTION: While this may seem fairly straightforward, many, many individuals living in our fast-paced, over-connected society fail to pay attention to themselves and others because their minds are often too scattered to notice what is most important to their well-being and fulfillment and the happiness and joy of others. Paying attention means focusing fully on close relationships and noticing the needs of others, and doing everything you can to help them. It means paying attention to your health, your children, your co-workers or your employees. If I hadn’t paid attention to the signs my body was giving me, I wouldn’t be here writing this article.
FACE REALITY: We, as humans, can easily fall in the trap of denial, sticking our heads in the sand, justifying our actions and rationalizing our behavior. In order to live an exceptional life, one must commit to pulling off their blinders and face reality head on. By facing the reality of my physical issue and of the looming life-or-death operation, I was able to prepare myself both mentally and physically. Facing reality gives you time to steel yourself for inevitable setbacks because it’s not usually the setback that will do you in; it’s your response to the setback.
ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE: It’s often been said that attitude is everything and I believe that is true. Winston Churchill put it most succinctly when he wrote, “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” It makes a big difference because it affects everyone around you – either positively or negatively. As a twenty-five year veteran ICU nurse told me, “I’ve seen first-hand how people with a positive attitude have fewer problems and heal faster than those with a negative attitude.” Attitude works the same way in every aspect of life.
CREATE A SOLID SUPPORT SYSTEM: This is not something you should do at the last possible moment. Build up a support system so the support is there the moment you need it. You do it in advance by surrounding yourself with the right people, those who are willing to tell you the truth, are honorable and know what they are talking about. To build a solid support system you must do everything you can to support others in their time of need. I cannot tell you what an incredible support system I had nor can I full express what a difference it made to my recovery. It was the power of love in action.
ASK FOR HELP AND EXPRESS YOUR GRATITUDE: Other people need to know you need them. When you are facing a true crisis, it would serve you well to put aside your ego and pride and ask for help. You will be amazed how others will respond. Of course, you then have to make the choice to allow others to take care of you. It may not be emotionally comfortable but the reality in being vulnerable shows personal humanity.
Say “thank you” to your caregivers – often. Appreciation goes a long way and makes a huge difference. I tried to be exceptionally kind to my caregivers and show them my gratitude. I was told later how “easy” I was to take care of. You have no idea how difficult the job of caregiver is unless you have been one.
CREATE A VISION THAT WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH A CRISIS: I have been helping people prepare for various medical issues for years, either in person or by making an audio recording that they listen to before their procedure or operation. They learn to relax. Being physically and mentally at ease gives you an edge. I also help them create a visualization (mental movie) in which they “see” themselves coming out of surgery successfully. In addition, I coach them to visualize doing something in the future that brings them joy.
I did this for myself and it made a tremendous difference in my mental state. I projected in to the future and created a full sensory mental movie of me sitting at a book-signing of my new book (which hasn’t been published as yet), as well as my wife and I attending the premiere of “The Wicker Tree.”
Many years ago, Charles Garfield, the author of “Peak Performance” said, “I’ve discovered that numerous peak performers use the skill of mental rehearsal of visualization. They mentally run through important events before they happen.” I cannot express the power of visualization. It’s a major factor in shaping your life.
Sometimes a confrontation with reality can be a gift. If you apply these six insights to every area of your life – your life can be exceptional.

“The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you,
who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau,
sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called “truth.”
-Dan Rather, American Journalist

The term “teacher” appeared somewhere around the 14th Century and according to the dictionary means; one whose occupation is to instruct others – a tutor. I think the word also implies that one must undergo special training and possess specific credentials to be a teacher. I’m not so sure I agree with that.
In fact, I believe that in our own way we are all teachers – sometimes having a positive influence, sometimes negative, and often, we don’t even know the impact we are having on others.
My grandpa James was one of the most important male figures in my life. His education came to a halt after the eighth grade when his services were needed to help run the farm. By shear determination he put two daughters through nursing school. Later in life he became a train engineer. I remember clearly watching him as he “drove” a massively huge steam engine. He was always inventing some mechanical wonder. He taught me how to fish and hunt. He inspired me, as he did my mother to work hard, get educated and always do the right thing. He also taught me how to drive a stick shift automobile.
It wasn’t that he just “taught” me how to drive a stick shift; he taught me with love and extreme patience. He pushed just hard enough, never got upset when I ground the gears, and trusted me absolutely. I can still remember looking at him for his approval as I made the smooth transition from second to third gear. He appeared to be relaxed, at ease and unconcerned. I now know he was anything but those things. I also know what a superb teacher he was. I know, because I recently taught my grandson to drive a stick shift.
My step-daughter is a wonderful human being but when it came to teaching my grandson David how to drive a stick shift – it didn’t’ work so well. In fact, after just a few minutes my grandson jumped out at a stoplight and refused to try again. That’s where I came in. Hearing the story from my wife, I volunteered to teach him. It was only later that I questioned my sanity. He said he looked forward to it and that he hoped that I had a lot of patience.
Since my grandfather taught me to drive in an empty parking lot, I decided to adapt the same strategy. On my way over to pick David up, I realized I didn’t have the slightest idea how I was going to approach this mission, but I really didn’t have to worry about it. From 50 years ago I heard my grandfather’s words in my head: “Don’t worry about it Jimmy. All you have to do is learn first gear and the rest will come naturally.”
David was extremely nervous and impatient with himself, probably waiting to see if I’d yell at him. I didn’t. When he made a mistake, I told him I did the same thing when my grandfather was teaching me and that you can’t learn to drive without grinding a few gears. There were a couple more suggestions from me, a few more mistakes from him, some encouraging words, “Don’t worry about it, it just takes practice.” And then, quite suddenly, he slipped into first gear without effort. Then second gear. We wheeled around the parking lot for almost an hour.
Then I lead him to tackle shifting into reverse. Fifteen minutes after he accomplished that feat, I suggested he consider crossing over the main road at a light and practice in another parking lot. “NO, I CAN’T DO THAT!!.” “OK” I replied. “But you may want to think about it.” Then…silence…gears shifting and another ten minutes passed. “OK, grandpa. I think I’m ready to try that.” My eyes swept back and forth to be sure we wouldn’t get clobbered by some out-of-control driver taking on his cell phone. Across the street we went. More encouragement and praise from me, a huge smile appearing on his face, more praise, more practice, another “stretching” suggestion from me. Finally I employed all my powers of persuasion and lovingly swayed him to venture out in to the traffic and make a right turn. Suddenly, we are facing a stop sign where he stopped and loudly proclaimed, “You tricked me grandpa. I said I didn’t want to drive out on the road.” “I didn’t trick you.” I responded. “I just gave you the choice that you would have made anyhow if you didn’t have any fear.”
Less then two hours after our lesson began, he pulled in our driveway where he proudly received congratulations from his grandma. A sense of pride and love blossomed in my chest. My grandpa would have been very proud of my teaching ability.
Years ago, I heard a fellow speaker end his talk to a business sales group by saying, “Remember, your children are watching.” Indeed they are – at every moment. The Lebanese poet and novelist, Khalil Gibran, said it best when he wrote, “The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.”
Recognizing that someone is always watching you and that by your actions you are always teaching will support you to live an exceptional life.
I leave you with a few select portions of a poem entitled, “When you thought I wasn’t looking.”

When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
and I wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I felt you kiss me goodnight,
and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt,
but it’s alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw that you cared,
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I looked….
and I wanted to say thanks for all the things
I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.

“Life’s like a play, it’s not the length
but the excellence of acting that matters.”
-Seneca, Roman philosopher, mid 1st century AD

I just had one of the all time greatest experiences and adventures of my life – with the additional gift of re-learning some valuable life lessons in the process.
The experience was acting in a movie. For me, it was the role of a lifetime -challenging, and way outside of my comfort zone. I played a tap-dancing, guitar-strumming, mandolin-playing Texas preacher – The Reverend Moriarty – in the sequel to the 1973 cult classic “The Wicker Man,” appropriately entitled “The Wicker Tree”. The film was shot in Scotland and is written and directed by the brilliant Robin Hardy.
Since I am known as a corporate speaker and performance coach, most people don’t realize that I was trained as an actor and appeared in a number of stage, television and film roles. Although I love the satisfaction of making a difference in people’s lives through my speaking and coaching, acting is my secret passion. Whenever I’m offered a role in a film, I grab it as fast as a child would snatch a piece of candy. The beauty of all this experience is that I have learned many valuable lessons as an actor that enhances every aspect of living. So – back to “The Wicker Tree”.
Since I neither tap dance nor play or strum any musical instruments, it required my total focus, commitment, support, belief and great deal of imagination to pull this off. In addition, I was lucky enough – with the help of a friend – to have had the best dialect coach in Hollywood, Tim Monick.
The first “life lesson” I was reminded of is the beauty of working/playing in an environment that is totally supportive – the perfect example of team collaboration. The entire cast and crew were there to accomplish the vision of the director yet were allowed to craft their own vision within his larger vision. Everyone I met set aside their ego and did their best to help everyone else be as good as they could be. Personally, I had the total support of everyone with whom I came in contact and, because of the faith the director had in me, I had faith in myself.
The second lesson I re-learned was the importance of practice and preparation. From the beginning, I took phenomenal actor Anthony Hopkins’ advice and read my lines over 500 times before I started to develop a character and, trust me, that required a lot of patience! I also reached out to other friends, actress Jane Powell for instruction on tap-dancing and Alfred Vanderbilt for a guitar lesson. They were there for me in a flash. The bottom line is: when I appeared on the set for the first day of rehearsal, I was calm, centered, excited and – prepared. There is absolutely no short cut to excellence. This one lesson would be very valuable for everyone in their early years to learn.
The third lesson was one that came tumbling back from my many years of acting lessons, specifically a lesson I learned from one-of-a-kind acting teacher, Stella Adler. While I was fortunate enough to have taken a couple of classes with the great Lee Strasberg, I was never really comfortable with pure “method” acting and always seemed to have trouble “re-living” the exact memories which would help me create a specific character. It only took a few classes with the tough-talking, hard-driving, no holds-barred, Stella Adler to both give me the tools and permission to create a character.
Stella was adamant that an actor should create by the “imagination” rather than by “memory” and that “if you studied the text and truly believed in the imaginary circumstances, all the emotions in the script would surface organically.” It was a perfect match between how my creative imagination worked and how she believed an actor must create a character. You just had to make up a past that belongs to your character. As I was to discover in my studies of human behavior and the mind, this was how most people lived their lives.
As I worked on the Reverend Moriarty script, I recalled Stella Adler saying, “You can’t be boring. Life is boring. The weather is boring. Actors must not be boring.” Believe me, I chose to make this character anything but boring. The beauty of this lesson is that Stella truly believed that growth as an actor and as a human being is synonymous. This in itself is a very solid life lesson.
The final and perhaps biggest lesson I learned was two-fold, the importance of holding on to your dreams and doing everything you can, as often as you can, to maintain your relationships, because it is relationships that help you achieve your dreams.
Eighteen years ago Robin Hardy saw my one-man show, “Journey into the Imagination.” Within two months, he had cast me in one of his films and was in the process of writing another film in which I would star – a dream come true or – so I thought. However, due to unforeseeable financial issues, the projects came crashing down. Both Robin and I were devastated. We both moved on, but I never lost faith in his ability to bounce back and bring me with him, despite no evidence or promises for the future. So, throughout these past eighteen years I kept in touch with Robin, as I always do with friends.
If I were to pass on wisdom to someone young and inexperienced about the ways of the world, I would pass the wisdom I re-learned from acting in “The Wicker Tree”. Follow your dreams despite what people tell you is impossible and impractical, refuse to be put in a “box” that others, for their own comfort, will most certainly attempt to put you in, help others become the best they can be, maintain your relationships, keep your faith in the possible and always be prepared, because you just never know what opportunity the world will present to you.

I just had one of the all time greatest experiences and adventures of my life – with the additional gift of re-learning some valuable life lessons in the process.

The experience was acting in a movie. For me, it was the role of a life lifetime – challenging and way outside my comfort zone. I played a tap-dancing, guitar-strumming, mandolin-playing Texas preacher – The Reverend Moriarty – in the sequel to the 1973 cult classic “The Wicker Man,” appropriately entitled “The Wicker Tree”. It was shot in Scotland and is written and directed by the brilliant Robin Hardy.

Since I neither tap dance nor play or strum any musical instruments, it required total focus, commitment, support and belief to pull this off. In addition, I was fortunate enough to have had the best dialect coach in Hollywood – Tim Monick.

The first “life lesson” once again reminded of the beauty of working/playing in an environment that is totally supportive – the perfect example of team collaboration. The entire cast and crew are striving towards a vision – everyone setting aside their ego and doing their best to help everyone else be as good as they could be. Personally, I had total support and, because of the faith the director had in me, I had faith in myself.

The second lesson relearned was the importance of preparation and practice. There is absolutely no short cut to excellence. I took actor Anthony Hopkins’ advice and read my lines over 500 times before I started to develop a character. I reached out to friends, actress Jane Powell for instruction on tap dancing and Alfred Vanderbilt for a guitar lesson. They were there for me in a flash. The bottom line is that when I appeared on the set for the first day of rehearsal, I was calm, centered, excited and – prepared.

The final lesson learned was two-fold – the importance of holding on to your dreams and doing everything you can, as often as you can, to maintain your relationships.

Eighteen years ago I had been cast in two films by Robin Hardy – a dream, I thought, come true. Due to unforeseeable financial issues, the projects came crashing down. Both Robin and I were devastated. We both moved on, but I never lost faith in his ability to bounce back and bring me with him, despite no evidence or promises for the future. So, throughout these past 18 years I kept in touch with Robin, as I always do with friends.

So, if I were to pass on wisdom to someone young and inexperienced about the way the world works, it would be to follow your dreams despite what people tell you, always help others become the best they can be, maintain your relationships and always be prepared because you just never know what the world will give you.

“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When
I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.”
-George Burns, Comedian

If I asked you what you believe might have the greatest negative impact on your health, what would you answer? You might say it would be pollution, the Swine Flu, the high-stress environment of work, or maybe global-warming? The answer is – retirement.
How could that be? Isn’t retirement what many people work so hard to achieve? When you retire, don’t you get to go to all those places you have always been dreaming about visiting? Won’t you now have the time to read those best-sellers that have accumulated on your book shelf? And, after you retire, won’t you have the opportunity to play endless rounds of golf? Maybe – but, then again – maybe not. In fact, retirement could be deadly to your health.
A study by Shell Oil Company found that people who retired at age 55 had almost “twice the risk of death compared to people who retired at age 60.” Another well- documented study of retirement and health observed more than 16,000 men in Greece and discovered that retirees had a 51% increase in their risk of death, and most of that was limited to heart disease and cardiovascular health. Maybe that’s why magazine publisher Malcolm Forbes said, “Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.”
Does this mean you should avoid retiring? That depends on how you view retirement or even if the word fits into your vocabulary.
There are places where the concept of retirement doesn’t even exist and where people remain active and healthy into old age. For example, in Okinawa, Japan, Pakistan’s Hunza Valley and Vicabamba, Peru, you will find 90 year-olds walking miles per day, visiting relatives, working in the garden or spending time with their grandchildren. These extreme seniors don’t experience long, drawn-out periods of disablement or suffer the effects of chronic illness. They just keep on ticking until – they don’t.
How does this apply to your life? A recent experience brought it home to me.
My wife and I just returned from Scotland where I played a role in a movie. I was a tap-dancing, guitar-strumming, mandolin-playing Texas preacher in “The Wicker Tree,” the sequel to the 1973 cult classic “The Wicker Man.” It’s written and directed by an 80 year-old Brit named Robin Hardy, who has overcome numerous false starts and disappointments with this project. He has wisely surrounded himself with his former partners: 70 year-old former British Lion Films chief executive, Peter Snell, and 80 year-old producer, Peter Watson-Wood. They form a powerhouse of energy and, as Peter Snell told me, “I’m out of retirement. Thank God!”
When asked his opinion about retirement, the late Walter Cronkite put it another way, succinctly replying, “Don’t.” So, is this one long diatribe to convince you never to retire? Not at all. It’s a loud shout to encourage you to rethink your life and – refire!
My younger brother, Dave, formally retired from teaching four years ago. Since then, he and his wife, Laurie, have taken a course given by their church on how to be ‘of service’ to others. They are constantly on a mission to help others in need. That’s the filter through which they view the world and, as my brother told me recently, “We have never been busier or happier.”
The problem with “retirement” may be with the concept itself. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines retirement as “withdrawal from one’s position, occupation or from active working life.” There are many who go into retirement kicking and screaming and others who welcome the fantasy of possibility. The challenge is that fantasy is very seldom reality, which is why the American writer Ernest Hemingway said, “Retirement is the ugliest word in the language.” My belief is that we should change the word “re-tirement” to “re-firement!”
The bottom line is that you should examine the present quality of your life. What’s important for your health is what you are doing for your body and your mind – now. If you retire, sit around all day, numb your mind with television and eat a lot of red meat, potato chips and ice cream, your health is going to deteriorate. If you challenge yourself, stretch your mind, have a good social network, exercise and eat a diet bountiful with fruit and vegetables, your health will improve. It’s really your choice.
Keep in mind that health, in all its aspects, is what allows you to re-fire and live an exceptional life. Here are some tips to help you do just that:
1. Pay attention to your diet. You need to eat between five and nine servings of vegetables and fruit daily. Make this nutritional mission a priority. Start by adding three servings a week until you work up to your optimal daily requirement.
2. Exercise every day. Be creative and keep in mind your present health and interests. You should to do a variety of exercises to build flexibility, strength, balance and cardiovascular health.
3. Work your brain. Thinking is a form of exercise too. Stimulate your brain by trying new things, doing crossword puzzles, writing, painting or learning to play a musical instrument. You are only limited by your imagination – and limit the amount of television watching to two hours a day.
4. Get enough sleep. Avoid taking more than a 20-minute nap in the afternoon and make it a priority to get between eight to nine hours sleep every night.
5. Relax. You don’t want to take the stress from your former work environment and carry it over into retirement. You want to structure a way to relax. It’s really easy to learn a simple relaxation exercise or meditation.
6. Build your relationships. There is no doubt whatsoever that your relationships with others will help you live longer. Interacting with people helps you manage your stress and emotions. Pay attention to and nurture your family and personal friendships. If you don’t have family around you – volunteer. It’s a great way to make new relationships and reap the health benefits of those relationships. Don’t wait for others to reach out. Be proactive.
So, if you are facing retirement or already retired, I want you to take just a little time today to discover how you can increase the quality of your life and remember – Don’t Retire – Refire!

What is the purpose of having a friend? The truth is that maintaining a real friendship takes both time and commitment – both precious commodities. This is a question I’ve been pondering lately, this process triggered by having houseguests for five days. The visiting couple are, indeed, dear friends. Nevertheless, I had great trepidation about their staying for that length of time because, as the old saying goes, “Guests, like fish, stink after three days.” Furthermore, I am a creature who demands flexibility and freedom in my life and the thought of someone staying with us conjured up images of being trapped taking care of people, restricted from doing my daily workout in the gym or writing or – just spending some time alone thinking.

I don’t like to admit I was amazing wrong in my preconceived judgment. In fact, my concern was totally misplaced because – Sally Ann and Douglas are intelligent, funny, generous, self-sufficient and low maintenance. In other words, they are the ideal house people as well as solid friends. But more than that, their presence provided insight as to why having friends is important.

The first day of their stay was a bright and sunny so I decided to invite Douglas to join me in a walk on the beach. He has a fascinating history as a writer, actor and literary agent. He is also one of the most positive people I know, as is his wife. As we walked, I asked numerous questions about his past exploits and beliefs. I gently grilled him as to how he was ding in his present circumstance of living in Florida and how he saw his future unfolding.. Despite his reserved British demeanor, he was amazingly open and forthcoming. After about thirty minutes into our walk and much talk, he turned to me and stated in his impressive English accent, “You know, one of the most wonderful things about having a good friend that you trust enough to speak truthfully is that you get to hear yourself speak in a new way. And, by doing so, you discover things about yourself that you never would have discovered.” “Wow”, I thought, “This friendship thing could really save people a lot of money on long-term therapy.” And, when I really consider it, that is reason enough to nurture friendships.

Then I began to realize – that was exactly what I was doing when he listened to me – hearing myself in a new light and having insights I never had before, all because he gave me his undivided attention and I knew – he was a friend and that friends really – listen.